A Sour Face

Put 40 more dollars in. For those of you that are new to this blog, you probably can tell by the title, I am on my way to a million dollars. I throw a little in here and there into a savings account. I am not telling all the specific financial details of it all. That would get way too personal and I know that. Plus, I think it might be a little bit tacky. But, it is good for me to be accountable, so I do tell of the little "bits" that I put in.

That keeps me from spending it on fast food or other little things unncessarily. For example, this weekend we went for fast food and instead of spending 20 dollars for five of us, we spent 13 each time. No, that is not a million dollars, but it is moving us that way. Yes, it is. It is hard to see that if you are looking at the small picture...

But, if you are looking at the big picture. It is there. It really is there. Every little bit helps. My husband has begun to see it too. "How do you eat an elephant?.......

"One bite at a time" That is his analogy. Not mine. And for those of you that haven't been following this blog, you have to know that my husband has been hard pressed to get on board this goal with me. Anyway,

All that said to say that the whole introduction about the money was to just say, again, for anyone that is new to the blog that I am just going to say that the goal really isn't about the money at all. I say it all the time just to re-empasize it. I have found over and over in my research that the money is just a perk. Most of the people who have money are actually people who live very extraordinary lives. They are champions in many ways that don't have very much to do with money at all.

They became champions within first. They had to win before the money came. You have to succeed before you can get money. Therefore, that is really my goal. To become a success at what I do in my life. To continually stive to become better and better at what I do. It is very hard to do. But, the more I try, the easier it is becoming.

One of the main things that I have had to realize is that no one can do it for me. I have blamed other people for things that have happened in my life, and that is a new concept to me. To take responsiblity for things. That is a hard thing to wrap myself around. Whenever I criticize ANYTHING in anyone, I have had to look at that situation completely different and see it from their point of view and then see how it could apply to me..

That brings me to my point... Did I take too long to get to the point? Maybe... Yeah, that's what I do. (Can you even phathom what my husband has to deal with?)

Yesterday, I was driving through my neighborhood. There were some kids riding on their bikes down the street. They had towels around their necks like they were going swimming, and they were about 10 years old. They were so carefree and looked so happy. All I could think of was how I used to be and how fun those times were.

I slowed my car down to make sure they didn't swerve out into the road in front of me, because kids will be kids. They were so involved in their swimming adventure that I was sure they weren't paying much attention to me. Plus, they were talking to each other across the road and not even looking at my car. But, I didn't care, for I was so happy for them. They were getting to be kids.

Then, a woman came by in another car the other way. She didn't have quite the same attitude that I had. She purposely slammed on her brakes and mouthed, "Damn Kids!" The kids' expressions quickly changed to fear as they went to the side of the road and put their feet to the ground and waited for her to past. The look on her face was so sour and her eyebrows were knit together so tightly that she looked like one of those evil characters on a cartoon. I was scared for the kids.

Don't you remember those adults who were like that? Don't you remember being scared of those people? I felt what those kids were feeling right then, and I was so mad at that lady for making them feel like that. I thought, "Why don't you just let them be kids? Why do you have to be so sour?" I got myself a little worked up about it all in about 10 seconds.

But, then in the next 5 seconds, she had driven away, and I looked in my rear view mirror and guess what I saw? The kids were back on their bikes and their were laughing again. They were riding and they had forgotten the lady with the sour face! They were off for their swimming adventure once again...

How had they done that? Why weren't they mad at her? How had they forgiven her that quick? I thought about it all they way home...

This is what I came up with. Those kids had it all figured out. Her unhappiness just didn't matter. Her unhappiness was not their unhappiness. It was OK for them to be happy and her unhappiness was not directed specifically at THEM. They were able to see it for what it was. A momentary peice of time. They didn't have to hold onto it like we do as adults. We start thinking of things and analzying and questioning everything that people do.

I was so impressed with the way that those children handled that woman's anger. They did stay on the side of the road.. so they did learn from their mistake.

But, they did not let her unhappiness become their unhappiness.

Also, I began to think about her unhappiness and I realized that their could have been a million reasons why she was unhappy. A death in the family, finances, an abusive spouse... so many reasons. But, the fact is, I have to realize that if someone is unhappy, there is a reason. We are born happy and only circumstances make us unhappy.

It is up to me to keep myself happy. I was letting her sour face make me mad. That was unfair in so many ways. I have no idea what she was going through to make her act that way. And, also, how many times have I reacted to situations like that? More times than I care to say, I am sure. I am not sure I have said those exact words, but then again, maybe I have, and I just don't remember. She may not even be aware that she said them.

There are times that I get so overcome with anxiety or grief or exhaustion that it is hard to stay happy, but this is precisly what is required. Because, in the moment, really, the moment, everything can change.