Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Runnin' on

I actually jogged most of my mile today. I told my daughter that she could go with me. This was with her on her bike. She was like a drill sargeant all the way. She was yelling at me all the way.
"YOU CAN DO IT."

"NO WALKING." It really did help. And I did do most of it. I really knew that I could walk the mile. But, jogging it? And, for the first time, I felt better after doing it. My husband bought me clothes for Mother's Day that are a size too small, and I refuse to take them back. For, that is part of this journey. If I see something that I want, I will strive for it, and I will succeed until I get it.

That is the faith part of the journey. It is different from just wanting it. It is knowing that I will have it and knowing what i have to do to get it. It is just one size too small for me. And, I know that running will allow me to wear the clothes. I have given away all the clothes in my closet that are a size 12, except for one pair of jeans and one old pair of lounge pants. Everything else, I gave to someone else. She was thrilled to have them. I don't want that to be a part of my life anymore. I have no problem with other people being that size, but for me, I was unhappy there. I could not comfortably bend over and tie my shoes. I knew that being that size meant that I wasn't paying attention to myself anymore. That meant that I would just continue not paying attention anymore.

I am not going to starve myself. It is not my style. I am just going to focus on looking my best. And when I say my best, that doesn't mean any one else's best. Once I reach a size 10, I may be perfectly fine at that. I think that I will be. If not, I will shoot for an 8. But, right now, I am only shooting for that 10.

Anyway, I was listening to Tony Robbins tape as I was jogging and being yelled at by Drill Sarge- ant Maggie, and it was so encouraging to know that Robbins really was at the bottom of the barrel when he finally made up his mind that enough was enough. That is exactly what happened with me. If you have read any of my blog, I did the same thing. I was sick and tired of it.

It is so true, any change can start at any instant. Like right now, I am STILL sitting here with my cigarettes. Why then, can I not make the decision to go throw them away? Say it right here and now, I am done. That instant will make a decision that would last a life time. Every decision we make changes our life forever. FOREVER. Instead , I lit up again.

What can I do. I am beginning to research how to stop smoking. I do whole-heartily believe in self-improvement audio tapes. They have helped me so much. But, I bought one on smoking. I got the wrong one I think. I didn't help or I didn't give it time too. She said 6 weeks. I gave it 6 days. Should I keep on listening? I was listening in bed hoping it would sink in to my subconscious.

I prayed, but I think that I prayed wrong without enough faith. I am asking, but I think I am not listening right. I do believe that my prayers will be answered if I have faith, so what am I doing wrong here. Funny thing is, while I am writing this last paragraph, I am getting quite nauseated. And the reason that is funny is that one of the things that I prayed was to give me some nauseation when I smoke so that I wouldn't want to smoke. And that was about 6 days ago. This is the first time that has happened.

Yeah, writing out your intentions is good....

2 comments:

Aleta said...

I think it's wonderful that you are jogging and involving your family to help!

My father used to smoke. He smoked since he was an early teen and until I was a teen. He was a chain smoker, had a cigarette in his hand every time you saw him.

He tried everything to quit, but it took him the doctor saying, "At this rate, you have five years left of life." End of discussion.


My father quit cold turkey and that was over 15 years ago. I admire anyone who is willing to quit an addiction, because I saw what my dad went through.

And a side note, when my father smells smoke now, it makes him sick to his stomach!

Prayers go to you and keep up the good work!

Just Me said...

KC, how are the Tony Robbins tapes? I always think about getting them. I like reading self improvement things. I usually am able to take pieces from the books.