You know, I just wrote my last post, and then I went about my usual routine of searching around to see what other bloggers are up to. I feel like I am at a party and catching up with everyone when I do that.
Anyway, when I did, my first stop was to someone's blog who had pictures of her children smiling and happy at school. Then I thought about mylast few blog entries and how depressing they were. Then, I got so frustrated with myself. I began to think about my children and how great they are. How they don't have any idea of all this goofy garbage that is in my head. Or maybe they do, because Mom has been in a bit of a bad mood.
And, anyway, why am I talking about lack of finances here? Isn't that a bit off course with my goal. I am done with that talk. I am being a little ridiculous.
I have such a great life and all I have been doing is talking about the downside of things. That is what got me into the shape I was before. People can shun the whole positive thinking thing all they want to, but I am proof positive that it is what it is. It works and it is real.
It is the only way to look at it. My daughter today, when I went to pick her up at my brother's house, had on 2 different kind of socks. Boy's socks at that. A dirty t-shirt from playing in the mud and her hair was a mess. And Oh my God, she looked so cute that I could hardly stand it. No, that is not positive thinking. That is just real. That is the only way that I could see her. If I had just seen the mismatched outfit, then that is just undo and self-imposed stress.
It didn't even occur to me to see the mud. All I saw was my free-spirited Maggie that everyone else sees. She doesn't care right now about clothes while she is playing. There will be a day that she does. But right now, while she is 7 and she wants to be a child, I want her to play. I want her to be a kid and I want her to be dirty and fun.
Right now in my garage, there are 4 buckets full of water with water balloons in them that represent 4 families that she made up. Yes, it is messy and is taking up room. But, it is also cute and kid-like and I love it about her. I can pour the water out when she is done with it. It is allowing me to experience a different world with her.
I am so glad that I saw that blog. It inspired me and I am thankful to be back on course....
5 comments:
Hi sweetheart,
funny how we stop by blogs and see certain 'sides' to a person's point of view - think of them as perennially happy people, joyful - wish a bit of that for themselves ...
and then WHAM, you read a post and realize the humanity of us all. we all struggle and deal with real problems, real pain, real fear, and such ....
and somehow it too becomes a sort of comfort: knowing you are not in this place alone, K.C. - at least, you've got me hanging right in there with you.
most fondly,
lady blue
Blogging is like an online party.
u know what i was going thru all your blogs and i really enjoyed reading this 1 as this made me smile and feel positive....
Hi KC! Just catching up - been on keyboard detox!! Yes, it can be like over-eating, you have to regulate it. But I have not been using the time very wisely - too much drinking and smoking. I've realised that drinking and smoking is the lazy way out, an excuse to do nothing but watch TV. It must stop! I've been inspired by reading your last few blogs. You are heroic, and very loving in your thoughts about your family. Keep it up!
actually it's been there since day 1.
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