A good cry...

A little bit at my wit's end. Just stopping in for a bit, as we are going out to eat at my brothers. I guess today I am really just writing to write and get some feelings out. I still have no doubt that my goal will be reached. Really, I don't.

It is so hard though. My husband and I had, yet, another "conversation" about finances. He is so worried about it all. That is driving me crazy. He was up this morning actually listening to Ramsey's CD, which I thought would be a great thing. But, that is not what he could see.

All he can see is gloom and doom. The thing is that if gloom and doom is all he sees, then that is all he will get. And it is hard to not get sucked into that. I don't see it the way he does, but it is so hard not to get down about everything else.

I watched a show today and a quote was said "The funny thing about the future is: It changes every time you look at it." That is so true. If he sees the gloom coming, then change it.

But, then again, why am I trying to change him? I can't change him. I can only change me. If there is anything I have learned in my whole "change" process is that I am the only one I can do anything about.

I walked about 3 miles today. While walking I was thinking. And I was thinking all about him. What he was doing wrong. All of the wrong thinking he was doing. Then I realized that I can't do anything about that. I can only deal with myself. So....

What to do. How do I help this situation? What I do know is that each successful thing that I do will lead to another and so on. And if I am grateful for something in this moment then I will begin to be grateful for something in the next. And that I can't fake that gratitude.

For the past couple of weeks, I have lost my gratitude under this veil of stress. Yes, he has been stressed, but have I helped that by focusing on his stress? I have to concentrate on each moment differently now.

It is not helping to continue to tell him not to worry. That is not what he wants. I thought that was it. I was getting mad because he was not responding. That is not fair to him. I have to take whatever it is that he is saying and see it from his point of view. Then, I have to see it from a bird's eye view. Then I have to see it from the future. What should we have done? What could we have done? What would we have done had we known better in this very moment?

We can't do anything about the past. We can't do anything about the future. I have to act only on the moment at hand. I have to make the best of right now. I have to know that if I make the best of the moment right now, then future moments are going to be the best as well.

This I do know. So, why am I worrying today? I know it is because I love him and it hurts to see him hurt. But, it is doing him no good for me to worry? So, I have to get back to where I belong.

Again, so thankful for blogs. So good to be accountable. I was all set to go to my brothers with a bit of meloncholy. No way! This is a party!