Put 200 more in. But, again, so excited about that, but more excited about this: I walked 5 miles yesterday! Yeah, I did. For anyone keeping up, this is a big thing for me.
I got up yesterday and made up this big excuse for why I couldn't walk with my friend. She said OK, but then she called me back and pretty much insisted that we go ahead and walk that afternoon. Then, we walked 5 miles. See, I told you guys, this is not about the money.
I do have 2 blisters on my feet and I am so sore that it is hard to walk today, but I proved to myself that I could do it. Of course, I know that I can do it. It is just a matter of, "Will I do it?" It is just so stinking boring. I have to get to the point where I am running so that it doesn't take so long. We were out there for about an hour and a half.
And then last night my husband came home and for the umpteenth night in a row, he was stressed out about money. See, I haven't even gone into this yet on the blog because I just didn't want to get too crazy personal. But, you know what, it is going to get that way anyway before it is all over, so well, I'll just go ahead and dive in a bit.
He is in the mortgage industry. And of course, WE ALL KNOW HOW TERRIBLE THINGS ARE ALL OVER! I swear to you, if I hear that one more time, I think that I might just blow a gasket.
He is stressed out to his limit right now. Then he brings that stress home. Then we are all stressed. But, here is the thing. We are stressed for different reasons. He is stressed about not paying bills. I am stressed because I don't want to say any thing to "set" him off in his stressed out state. The kids are stressed because they don't want to be too loud because Dad is home and for some reason right now (being the last year) he is a little tense.
Now, I am not in the mortgage business. No, I am not. But, I am educated. I have common sense. Also, I have had a very good year. AND... AND... AND... I have experienced a few things in the last 17 years of my life that put me in a position to see this whole thing from a very different point of view than he does.
This is where things will get very personal, maybe not today, but probably in the near future. I am not sure I am completely ready to open up here. Not for the sake of anyone reading, but for my own as well.
There are things in life that happen. There are things in life that are bigger than the mortgage business. There are things in life that really DO matter.
I am not sure how to write about these things. Like I have said before, I am not a writer. I am just living this. I want to write about it all. I do. I want to write about how I lived it. I want to write about how I experienced it all, and how I survived it all, and how I will conquer it all with more than flying colors.
I am not sure how to do that. There are just so many people out there that are struggling to figure out how to muddle through their day to day life. And Oh My God. Their is no sense in muddling through when there is so much life out there.
I watched American Beauty the other day and one of the lines in the movie was "There is so much beauty in the world that sometimes I am not sure that my heart can handle it." I can now see that. And I look back and wonder why I never saw it before this year. But, I don't regret it, for if I had not experienced all that I did, I would not be in a position to see what I see now.
I know that none of this makes sense without putting all the facts out there. I am rambling a bit today. Maybe because I am not sure where to begin with the whole story.
ANYWAY... I will stop with that for now. I think... think... I may go walk. It is late afternoon, and the kiddos are home. I will have to be a hamster and just walk in a loop around our neighborhood circle 9 times to hit 3 miles. Did I mention that walking is boring?
Also, I did do ALL those errands today that I have put off doing forever. Now, that may seem like nothing, but for all those who have ever put off doing things and the list has piled up, you know what I am talking about. The freedom that comes with getting things done allows you to move on. Hmmm... what next?
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1 comment:
I'm enjoying your blog and the very "realness" of it. You are open and honest and interesting!
I agree with you that there is more to life. Katrina was an eye opener. We can be nomads; we can lose our homes; lose our jobs; find that our friends and family have spread out to different states within a matter of 24 hours.... but what matter is that we are alive and sometimes we have to start over.
As for the mortgage industry, well, I work in the finance aspect and I figure it's slow just about everywhere. It's part of society changing and adjusting and you have to go with it or get drowned in it.
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