YO ADRIAN...

Okay, here is how this works. I am not sure what to write today. Right now, I am just starting out writing. Seems like I have so much to say and not sure just what to say. I have so many things going on in my mind.

I have to say that I am sure that things are so much better in my life. But, in the first place. Were they really that bad? I look at things from an outside view. And, were they really that bad? I mean, really? I look around my home at all that I have... Oh my gosh, I live in a beautiful home. What in the world am I complaining about?

Here is the deal... we are worried about what might happen. And here is the thing... I don't even know right now what the thing is. Right this moment I am hitting a block. I don't even know what to write right now. I am conflicted because I don't know where the money is going to come from... I just know that it is going to come. I am that much convinced that it is going to come. I have that much faith that it is.

I feel like a complete moron in this place writing about it though. I feel like a jerk to be honest to be writing about money. I need a place to vent and I don't want to do it in a notebook that I keep under my bed anymore. Since I have a place to do it, I want to do it. I don't really want to do it with my girlfriends, because I don't really want them to know all my private business.

Since we live in a place and time that this type of blogging is available, I feel completely blessed to able to do it here. Right here on this forum. I am still blown away to be sitting here doing what I am doing right now. It is almost a surreal experience. I mean, I feel like I know some of the people that are reading this right now. I feel like you guys are reading this and going, "Come on, this isn't rocket science, you know!"

But, here I am still talking about it. That is the thing. I have to stop talking about it-- I think. OR maybe not. I don't know.

I am still waiting to hear about the teaching position. They were supposed to call either yesterday or today. They haven't called yet and to be honest with you, it is making me a bit nervous. I don't want to be nervous. That is not completely in my nature. But, if that job doesn't pan out, then what to do?

I am sounding completely negative. So, how to turn the switch. I have to turn the dial. I have to change the frequency. I am trying to turn the dial. I am going to lose my listeners if I don't change my own dial here.

Today, I know what I am going to do. I am going to keep my IPOD on my songs. That does it for me. That really does do it for me. That sounds so completely corny. I know that it does.

It cleans my pallette. Does that sound like something so unbelievably ridiculous? I know that it does for anyone that doesn't do it.

But, my children will probably find somewhere else to go. I will be that wierdo that I mentioned in one of my other blogs. You will find me dancing all over my house. I can't dance. Not at all, but guess what I will be doing? I will be dancing AND I will be singing. Yes, I will. AND, I will be singing LOUD!

There will be Sexy Back and Aint no Mountain High Enough and EVERYTHING from High School Musical. You know why... Because they are songs that you can't help but dance to. There will be a little Grey's Anatomy in there and a little New York, New York, too. And for someone who can't sing, the dogs around the neighborhood will be howling.

And the sad part is, I will probably have the windows up so the wind can come through and the light can shine in. So, the neighbors will hear and the neighbors will see. And guess what? I don't even care. Because, when this chick is happy, guess what happens, it is contagious.. they will ask what I am doing... but when they ask, they always ask with a smile, and they always end up staying an hour or two and I always tell them the truth... "I am being happy."

Have you ever seen those people in the store who are singing out loud? Most of the time if you look at them and make fun of them, you usually do it with a smile, huh? Those people are happy and they don't care... They are just happy.

Yeah, I just cheered myself up. Oh my god. It is so easy to get caught up in the stupid things in life. The things that don't matter, the things that can be fixed so easily. The things that have solutions that will work themselves out. I am going to go work myself out.

Oh, that is another thing.. the work out. From the beginning I have been talking about how I have been wanting to run. I mean, like, run.. with my legs and all. That is another part of this journey. I am trying to get to the point where I run (well, jog... let's be realistic) about 3 miles a day. For me, it was a struggle to just MAKE myself put my tennis shoes on. For any of you who work out, you are probably shaking your head at why this is even a big deal. For those of you that don't, you will understand..

Well, to update... I have been playing tennis about 2 times a week now, and I have been walking at least a mile almost every day now for the past month and jogging about a half of it. That is a really big deal for me. Some of that has been 2 miles.

Yeah, that last part was a little boring, but I needed to write it out because it made me feel like Rocky or something... YO ADRIAN... I'm awesome....