First Kiss

Put one more dollar in. Yeah, I know it's one more dollar in. I know, I know... But, on the other hand... I know... It's one more dollar in. I lost sight of my goal like I said a couple of posts back. I was moaning and a-groaning about my current state so much that I just lost my way there for a bit. I didn't lose faith. Just lost my goal for a minute or two in time,but you know what, since time is an illusion anyway... does it really matter? For my purpose right now, I will go ahead and say "No, it doesn't really matter right now".

I know like I know like I know that it's coming. I will tell you today how I know that things are turning around in my life. Shall I tell a fable? NO? Shall I tell a moralistic tale? No, you say? Hmmm... a bedtime story? Well, you don't have to scream at me, I got it. You don't want to hear that either...

O.k. O.k. O.k... You want those unbelievably interesting tales of my homelife. Gosh, I know how so very exciting they are. I do, I do. So, I guess I will share what happened when that husband of mine came home from work today!

For those of you that have been following along in your workbooks, turn to page, um, 14. (Does that sound right?) For anyone else, you can just follow along right about here.

What you need to know is that our little family is in a bit of a financial crunch. And when I say crunch, I mean a "how-you-say" floor stomping beating. We are in deep "cocci". Well, I have no big issues with this, for it is only money to me and I have absolute faith that we will survive this and overcome it.

My husband on the other hand, who has gotten us into this sweet spot is not feeling quite as optomistic. He has been as down as a man can get without actually turning into a worm and slithering around on the ground. It has been hard to watch. I have been trying with all I can to encourage him and I have been "behind the scenes" with my faith in it. Because I believe in this man with all that am. He knows this, but he has to feel it within his own skin.

Well, earlier this week, he actually did get upright for a few hours and move around a little bit. Going to work and the like. Then he got up consecutively. That was a major milestone for someone in his position. But, then today, he came in and his face had a new light in it. A light that shone a little brighter. A light that was shining like he might have new information.

He came into the bathroom where I was getting ready and plopped his good-looking self up onto the counter. Then he began talking to me. To me. To my face. Like a friend would.

You have to understand here that he hasn't done this in so very long. He has been stressed out forever. He doesn't talk to me when he is stressed out because his rational is that he doesn't want me stressed out too. Seems backwards to me sense we are married. But, that is how he was brought up, so now the cycle is continuing. I have tried to break that cycle for the 16 years we have been married to no avail-- until now....

OK, so this is how he started... "Kayce, I went and talked to someone today."

Me--"You did, who?"
Tony--"Brian"

(Brain is a lawyer in our town who is also one of the best Christian men that Tony knows. Even if you take out the religious aspects of Brain, he is just a super overall great man. Tony admires him more than anyone on the planet. Tony lost his father a few years ago, so during this trying time, Tony has had no male figure to confide in.)

Me--"So, you went to Brian's office. How much courage did that take?"
Tony--"I almost didn't go. I circled his office three times before I pulled in"

(I was having to dab my eyes because I knew that my strong prideful husband was really probably having so many issues going through his mind to have to make himself go and put it all out there to someone he admired so much)

Me--"But, you did finally go in"
Tony--"Well, I decided that since there was just "something" telling me that I should go, then I might as well just do it"
Me--"Was he there?"
Tony--"Not only was he there, but he met me at the door and said "Tony Neal, I can't believe it is you, because just yesterday while I was mowing my lawn, I was praying for you"

Well, at that point in my bathroom, I literally broke down into tears, just as I am now. I mean you cannot even make something like that up.

This strong broken man of man was being prayed for unknowingly by someone who he admired more than anyone in the world at the very time that he was wanting to be with him. Now, COME ONE, please refute that. Please, please, try to tell me that was coincidence... I BEG OF YOU!

Tony said that Brian, the busy lawyer, dropped everything that he was doing for over an hour and sat with Tony. Tony told Brian everything. From the debt to his "habit", which I guess I can go ahead now and lay it out there, is gambling, to his worries about bankruptcy.

Brian eased his mind so much. He told him the same things that I had been telling him. Have faith. Brain believes in him just as I do. OK, so you messed up. Now, it is time to fix it. It is time to go to work and fix the problem. Stop focusing on the debt and focus on the solution.

How to do that, Tony wonders. "You are already doing it". Brain assured him of that. "You are already coming to a safe place where you know you are loved and admired. For Tony to hear a man that he admired tell him that he was admired, well, ohmylanta....

My husband may be getting "it". When he came home I told him that hitting rock bottom can be the best thing that can happen to a person because you can't go much farther down. And coming up feels so good.

Now, he is thinking that since he got it off his chest once, he is thinking about using his story as inspiration for others. But, he is a bit scared of what others will think. I told him that he has so many people who love him. And that out of 100 people that he may tell, there will be fewer than 5% that may, and that is a may, scoff him. The other 95% will love and support us through this.

And that will be when the success will return. And then we will be in a position to begin helping others because we will see how others have helped us. This was such a rewarding experience for both of us.

Then the icing on the cake occured. Yeah, I know, Tony got to feel good, I know he did. But, when did I? You know I gots to get mine...

When it was all said and done, he got down from the counter and came over to me, and took my face softly in his hands and kissed me. Not like a 16 year old married couple. But, like a couple who had just met at a bar kiss. You know that passionate first kiss....

What can I say, this man takes my breath away... I am quite lucky this way....