Looking Back

So much today. So many observations. I have found that since I have been writing this blog that I notice things more and more. I guess that is a good thing. I have found myself more and more observant of my own actions which I know is a really good thing. I have really made myself more accountable for how I act and what I say.

I find myself thinking about how others act, and then turning it on myself and thinking, "Who are you to judge what they are doing? Haven't you walked down that road a time or two, Missy?" And then I have to blush all by myself and remember that I probably have in the not so distant past. It is embarrassing to realize that I am not perfect. It is embarrassing to realize that I don't have all the answers, even though I want to talk so much and appear like I do.

Today was a perfect example of that. I was at Kroger. This was after going to the DMV to get my driver's liscence updated. I could write at book just on my experience with the DMV. Now THAT is something that I just don't even begin to know how to get ahold of. I don't know where the misery of that organization began. The lack of seating. The miserable employees. The LACK of employees. The hour luch break that doesn't begin NOR end when they post it, so everyone had to wait outside in the heat while they took their lunch....

See, I am not sure where to begin or end on the DMV. In my head I am wanting to keep going on it. But, there are so many emotions and thoughts swirling around about it, that it gets me riled up just thinking about it. And the thing is... I have my driver's liscence now, so does it really matter? It is done... the moment is over and I don't personally have to deal with it anymore. I can sit here and type about how awful the experience was, but is that going to help my life in ANY way? Is it going to help me reach this goal? I'm thinking not... But, wow, it IS hard to move away from the subject... But... I will...I think... Yes, I will....

Okay, on to Kroger, (still thinking of the DMV--it was rough), back in Kroger, I was shopping in the french fries, deciding between crinkle or seasoned and my mind was clearly focused on that. Nothing but that, when all of sudden, I heard "SIT DOWN!".

I looked down the aisle and saw a young woman, long blond hair pulled up in a pony tail. It looked like it had not been washed in a few days. No make up, shirt half tucked in, tennis shoes tied half way.

In the front of the shopping cart was a little girl who was probably a year old. She was squirming to get out of the basket. She was surrounded by one of those new quilted blankets that are fitted to the front of shopping baskets for babies. Next to the basket was a young boy who was around 4 years old who was looking up his mother and holding on to the basket.

"LET GO OF THE BASKET!" And about that time she caught my eye and just dared me to say something to her. She knew that she was being ridiculously over the top. She had to know. She was being so loud and so obnoxious. All I could think in the moment was "How dare you?"

But, then, I thought again. She had taken the time to put her baby in a quilted blanket in the front of the basket. What had transpired before I came down the aisle? Had she told her son several times to do something and he had not? Had I just walked into a single moment and missed something?

I started remembering being with my children when they were little at the grocery store. I remember what a trying time that was. For whatever reason, that is hard, hard thing to do. For anyone that has never done that, it should be a requirement. For those of you who have, you know exactly what I am talking about.

I am not complaining because I was blessed to be able to stay home with my children when they were little. But, at the time, in the moment, I couldn't see it. In the moment, with a basketful of groceries and three small children in a grocery store, I felt the stress. I felt the stares.

I do not remember ever yelling at my children. But, I do remember being unbelievably frustrated with the three people that I loved more than life. And over what? Putting their hands on boxes of organized cereal? I can look back at it now and see the light. I can look at it now and know that it was all situational.

Just like right now when my 14 year old wants to talk on the phone until the wee hours to his friends... will that really be such a big deal in 10 years? Probably not....

When my 9 year old wants to stay up and watch a movie until 2 AM with his big brother... won't I be glad that they had that time together in 10 years? Absolutely....

And my 7 year old... that peanut butter she just got in her hair last night...won't that be a hilarious story, versus such the stressful time it could have been had I not remembered what 10 years down the road will feel like.... I got lucky on that one.

I felt sorry for the lady in Kroger today. I wanted to feel sorry for her children too. But, when her kids go to bed tonight, I bet she hugs them. I bet that she will tuck them in and kiss them. I bet in the morning she will feed them the Lucky Charms that I saw in her basket when I saw her putting them in her car when I saw her leaving.

Some things we see that don't want to see. But today I saw something that I should have seen. It reminded me to be on the lookout for a better part of myself, even in those stressful times. And can't they all be stressful if we let them? But, really, what's the point...