Sitting here with my head all full of noodles. Which topic to write on? I am wanting to write all the time, but I feel like I am running out of time. I start my job in a couple of weeks and when I do I feel like I won't have time to do anything. I have spent about an hour a day with this blog and once the job starts, it will be get up at five, get myself ready, get three kiddos ready, get all of our stuff ready, then...
Go to work. Come home from work, get three kids and their homework done... get dinner cooked, get them to all their extra curricular activities, get all their stuff ready for the next day. Yeah, I am not going to have time for myself anymore. Is that a rough life? Am I complaining about my rough life? It surely sounds like I am...
I am wanting to slap myself up one side and down the other. I would imagine that I could do all of those things in about an hour if I needed to... and here is the thing... I have the health and the ability to do those things...AND I am complaining about them... STILL.
Ugh and Ugh again. I guess it is because the deadline is coming up in a couple of weeks and I am sitting here at 2 pm in the afternoon with my feet propped up on a desk writing on a computer. I was doing laundry last night at midnight just because that is when I got to it... Oh, and Oh, guess what I did after I did the laundry...Geez Louise and Lois...
I added some songs to my Ipod. And after I did that, I went to my son's list of songs to check and make sure that he wasn't downloading anything that I would think was just too awful. He is fourteen and we try to keep an eye on what he listens to and watches.
HOWEVER, I went through this phase recently where I thought that I would give him freedom. Because he is a good kid. He does make very good grades. He can play the hell out of the guitar and does so for several hours a day. Which shows incredible discipline on his part. He doesn't cuss or smoke or drink (you know how all those 14 year olds do that). But, for the most part, he really is a good kid.
Because he does play the guitar and downloads anything that is hard-core (don't I sound cool?) guitar, some of the song lyrics have a few wirty dords in them. I have let it slide because when he does download them, he really does learn to play them. I don't hear him talking the talk. Even with his friends. He can play Freebryd or he can that new-fangled Rock and Roll that they listen to. And he writes his own to go with it.
I have little doubt that he will be playing for the rest of his life. He just spent 600 dollars of his own money on speakers to play in the Christian rock band at church. And his friends have formed a rock band of their own....
HOWEVER.... last night, while going through my well-disciplined, not-my-child's list of songs, there were a few that were not so well. He is 14 and was given freedom on I-tunes. What was I thinking? I haven't checked his list in about a month. Have you guys seen what is out there?
I may be 41, but this has got to be different from what our grandparents saw in Elvis and his pelvis. This stuff is so vile and the language is so used so graphically that I just couldn't believe that some label puts it out there.
I promise, I am not a prude. Seriously. But, the front of the album had a picture of a man with...nope, can't even go there... but, my son was allowed to... And, yes, I want to blame the labels.. but, I can't even do it. He is my son. Isn't it my responsibility every night to go on that computer and check that account? I have given him the freedom to just order any ole song that he wants because I thought that he had the maturity to pick and choose music that was appropriate for him.
What? What?... I am remembering what I was like at 14...
Well, first of all. I am not a boy. Second of all, I liked Sean Cassidy and The Osmonds. Also, I am wanting so badly to blame this on his friends and say that they told him to do it. And they did. Someone had to tell him about it. I do believe that much... but still... I allow the access.
I know that I can't shelter him from everything, but to think that with my credit card, he ordered it. What is my problem? I surely hope that I am not making my son sound like this horrible person, because he is really cream of the crop.
But, so is every other child on this planet.. and then something happens. Somewhere along the way, guidance slips away. We forget that they really do need us in there showing them what is appropriate and what is not. They assume that if something is for sale, then it is okay to buy it.
If something is out there to watch, then it is okay to look.
It is my role to teach my children, and this time I fell short. I was thinking that I was smothering him, so I wanted to loosen up those reins. In doing so, I gave him enough freedom to see the slimy side of life. And it made me feel very slimy.
He and I have a very close relationship. And we had a very "close" talk about music last night. When I got up this morning I watched the videos that go along with the songs. I almost threw up. What if he has seen those? I guess I have another talk coming...
Wonder what our grandparents told their kids about Elvis??
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53 comments:
Take a deep breath, sweetie. It is easy to get worked up over what is out there today. There is so much trash, it's unavoidable (or is it inavoidable... you get my point).
But you can't put all the blame on you. As humans, we have a conscience. There was a Jimminy Cricket in his head, telling him it was wrong. But he went ahead and did it. And I'm NOT trying to make him out as a bad kid, we all do it. I'm just trying to prove that it's not your fault...
Excuse the rambling. I had a long day. Haha.
Keep reaching for the stars!
---Sarah
lifeastoldbysarah.blogspot.com
Don't be too hard on yourself - you checked! Do you know how many parents I deal with that NEVER check? I know a kindergartener who plays rated MA games. So your son downloaded some inappropriate music... delete it. Explain to him why you feel it is in appropriate and make sure he knows you check because it is your JOB as a parent to do so. He may whine about all his other friend's parents, but you and I both know some of them are checking too! The simple fact that you check makes you a good mom - don't be so hard on yourself!
I hope you get things resolved with your situation so you can feel better. Whether it's some action you need to take or something to resolve within yourself.
I just wanted to say thanks for leaving such a nice comment on my blog.
Your son sounds very much like mine. He too is a very disciplined guitarist. Mine just turned 18. There'll come a time when you have less and less control over his choices. There is indeed a lot of graphic stuff out there, which we see as trash and they see as cool. Each generation takes it a bit farther than the last. He's cream of the crop, and he'll outgrow his phases. You're absolutely right to check up on him from time to time. And he's absolutely normal to push the limit. He'll be fine. So will you. :)
yep..have a 17 yr. old son, guitarist too...hey...how is that for koinkidink! Anyway...ya...it is difficult...the music seems so angry and the imagery so awful. I have gone through my son's music from time to time and yep...for the most part he agrees with me. NOT about the beat, loud screaming etc...but about the words and the imagery. But not on all things. It becomes more difficult...like the poster 'hilary' said...they become older and have to make their own choices. But you know what, at this age you are indeed responsible to talk to him and let him know you are aware and concerned.
Now about the job...hey...I get up at 4:30 and often work til 8 at night but still have time to blog...a wee bit. Grin...and if not, then you can do stuff every once in a while eh? You know we do put way tooooo much on ourselves, us mothers, wives, sisters, working women, housecleaners, dog walkers, babysitters, teachers....and on and on...
You will be fine. Thanks for stopping by....I forgot to get you on my new list at my new place but now you are there..bright and shining ... this way I'll check in more often. Ta..take care my friend.
Dear Kayce ~~ Great post and tribute to your husband in previous post. He sounds like a good guy. And I am sure your son will learn to weed out the rubbish from the good stuff. You are a good Mom to check up and advise him
and it's great you have a close relationship with your son. And believe me, your most important job is to raise your children to be good, strong and responsible adults. And you never get over that, my kids are 54, 49. 48 and 46 and I still worry about them and
think of them as my kids. They are all goodies btw. I am so glad you found some encouragement from my words. It is amazing what you can do when you have to. I would keep the blogging to a minimum for a while after you start work, just let us know briefly how you are. You have a life to live. Some of us oldies do not have much else to do.
Best of luck dear girl. Love, Merle.
Thanks so much for your comment on my blog. you could do sewing, you know! i didn't think i could.
you sound a fab mum to me. i think most kids see what's right and what's wrong.
Hi! Thanks for visiting me...great to find your blog in turn! :o) I am not a parent to a child (only to one sweet cat ;o) so I can't even begin to imagine the challenges you much face daily-- even hourly!--raising your kids. But you do your best all the time, and that's what it's all about. You mustn't cut yourself short. By instilling good values all the kid, kids will keep most of those as they grow and find a good balance of what's right and wrong. A little teenage experimentation is to be expected, I suppose...Didn't we all in small ways?! LOL! Sounds like you're doing a great job so far. Keep up the good work :o) Happy Days
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
Wow you've touched on something I think all of us can relate to on some level - even though my boy is a lot younger, I see parents being more free with their kids, letting them run loose and sometimes I worry that I am smothering my boy too. But I keep doing it, as parents we know what's best for our own kids.
I'm sure your son will be just fine, he sounds great. I struggled to practise piano for 30 mins a day. He obviously loves playing the guitar and that is great. Music is wonderful for the soul, you're doing a great job.
I absolutely abhor the way women are used in some music today and the videos are even worse. I think it does send a terrible message to both teenage boys and girls.
Maybe your son just liked the music and wasn't even paying attention to the lyrics. Still, it was a good idea to have that talk with him. He shouldn't have his sense of the loveliness between men and women be corrupted by that awful music.
fantastic writing..very touchy...liked reading..
P.S: My blog updated this evening...do read it..
Hi Kayce,
This is a hard one isn't it?, unless your sitting with a child 24-7 it can be difficult to monitor everything closely, mind you, it works the same with the television, you think a childs ok watching...lets say a cartoon, and up pops something totally unexpected...
Don't be to hard on yourself Kayce, at least you checked, many parents dont...
And my suggestion with the toothpaste saga and your husband is.....
Give him a warning not to do it again...
And if he still continues, this unacceptable behaviour.......
Tell him he will have to clean the bathroom everyday for one week.......(LOL) ;-D
Now Kayce, do I think this will stop the toothpaste saga?.....
No I dont........
But..............
At least YOU wont have to clean the bathroom for a while(LOL):-D
K.C.
I don't have any children, but I can say this. My parents had "sheltered" me when I was growing up because I was a "girl". I hated that at times, but now that I am older, I am thankful for EVERY BIT OF IT. Why? Because out of myself and 3 brothers, I am the only one that has a steady job, I've not been into any trouble and I don't worry my parents to death at night when they sleep! ;-)
Hang in there. You'll make it through and I have faith that you will make all the right decisions for your son. Love is what matters most!
All I can say is "I hear ya."
I have a son who just turned 15 a couple of weeks ago.
I'm glad you are monitoring and letting him know you truly care about him. When my boys were teens they said I was overprotective - I just said they were perhaps comparing me with some of their friend's parents who were UNDER protective! Now that they are grown they really appreciate the care and attention (DISCIPLINE!) they got.
nope, the music that kids listen to today is not the music we heard growing up! you're not in kansas anymore dorothy!
it also depends on the type of music they are listening to because not ALL music is like that! there is some very good music today with very talented artists.
however, that being said, i kind of get the gist of what your son may have been listening to (at 14, i can only imagine). mysoginistic verses, man not respecting woman, woman degrading herself, etc... am i on the right track? yeah, it's pretty awful. and the curses, well, they seem to be the norm.
my daughter is now 29. so 15 years ago when she was your son's age, the music was not as hardcore as it is today, but still it was enough that i had to make it clear what was acceptable and not acceptable to listen to at home. face it, you can't stop them from listening to what they want because they will find a way to do it anyway; what you can do, is let them know where you stand on this and why you feel so strongly against it. and know that it is just a phase (and believe me it is a phase) and they will outgrow it. the more taboo you place on it, the more alluring it becomes to them. so it is fine line that we have to deal with here.
best of luck! and i do think you have absolutely nothing to worry about. he seems like a real good kid but he's spreading his wings and seeing what the world is like and testing the waters... that's all. believe me, the music that he is listening to today is no match for the upbringing and education you have given him. and you can put all your money on that! :)
I say megakudos to you, girl, for going in there and checking out what your beloved boy was listening to. My husband and I are always saying, nine-tenths of parenting is supervision. Knowing (as much as you CAN know) where your kids are, who they are with, and what they are doing. Saying "NO" when appropriate. Being willing to be the "heavy" but doing it with lots and lots of love. That's not being a prude; that's being smart and that's showing real love.
I was nuts about the Osmonds too, especially Donny (my cousin and I saw them in concert, LOLOLOLOL!) and David Cassidy (with the Partridge Family, LOL!) and Neil Diamond! All seems so lame now by comparison to what is available to kids. It's very sad what our kids are confronted with. They need us to help them navigate those dangerous shoals.
Eventually, your son will see everything, just as you have.
And he will be okay, just as you are.
I'm going to my kitchen to get some wet noodles and I'll be over to your place lickty split! LOL :D
Ok, 12 years ago I couldn't stand it any longer, the music my daughter was listening to, the other kids she was growing up with, heart breaking, our parents had nothing with the Osmonds! I listened to every song they were interested in, more importantly, the lyrics...SCARY. Quit my job, changed careers, worked in Christian music. It hit me one day as I was listening to my music, that I can sing from memory all the songs I grew up with, they sure were innocent compared to what's out there today!. It's not about "the music" as your child will try to convince you, the lyrics are plastered in their brains but you have to find an even ground to talk to your teenagers, teach them and ground them well. It's still your house and there have to be rules. There is good Christian music out there, Christian rock, hard rock, my sister and her husband ran a Christian rock radio station for a while a few years ago. Perhaps take him to a concert, yes, take him and some friends, I'll never forget my daughters (and her friends) face the first DC Talk concert I took her too :D, priceless! Good luck, I will keep you in my prayers! I wouldn't go back for anything :).
The Osmonds, David Cassidy, goodness, we are close in age! I still don't understand why those boys didn't come calling on me?! "I woke up in love this morning" LOL
PS
You will be fine with your bloggie and working. Start thinking ahead now, meals, time, get your children involved in the kitchen! It's awesome! I work full time, get up before the sun comes up, sometimes get home when the sun is down...it's my escape sometimes, you blog when you have time, after all, it is your blog...we'll be here, waiting for you! :)
Hugs,
Kathi :)
k.c.
I here your pain, but I think it's something you will be able to tolerate. My wife and I have raised two children who are now 33 and 38 yrs of age. We are now in the phase of helping raise grandchildren from 6 months to 17 years. It's always a challenge as the parents are finding out, going through things that we did with them. My wife is a retired teacher and my daughter is a teacher, both specialized in special ed.
I'm not going to soft pedal what you are starting but yes you will be sacrificing more time then you like and it will be frustrating and cause you to pull your hair out. A major positive is that you have such a good relationship with your 14 yr old. As he grows he will be able to take on some of the responsibility of mundane chores around the house to uncomplicate some of you tasks. I know your husband works late and is heavily involved in his job, but a realization will happen here, that one person can not do this all. If someone gets sick at school and needs to be picked up and it can't always be you, in fact it will be tougher for you than for your husband so those types of sacrifices will have to be made. This will be a test of how strong you both are. I suspect you'll make it just from what I read about you. A strong resolute person with goals.
Kids are always a mystery and always a challenge.
All you can do is lead by example and nudge them in the right direction whenever a course correction is needed. You have a talking relationship so try and hold onto that as long as you can.
On occasion I will take the older grandsons aside and ask them what there goals are and what kind of person do they want to be. Look em square in the eye and there is no way they can lie. You'll know it immediately. It keeps them on there toes. Just a little thing a grandfather can get away with. They think I'm not watching. Ha! I have more time to watch and I think they respect that.
Just hang in Kayce, you make it, I know it sounds impossible but with a little cooperation from everyone, you'll make it and then before you know it, it's over and you can kick back and relax and enjoy your accomplishments.
Just telling it like it is.
Aww ... the teen years, the angst, the rebellion, its tough on parents. But remember you are the parent .. you can be cool, you can be their friend, but you will always be a parent first - so take the decision - if the song is inappropriate, then it is. There are no two ways about it. You did the right think by having the talk - thts good.
How is he doing now? Hope all is well .. good luck!
I won't kid you, kid have so much thrown at them..Very hard to be a parent right now..I know my daughters are always on it..sad, to think what is happening..but your family, like ours and many others, will be what brings this world back on the right path..
Kayce, I'm enjoying your blog tremendously. You've even inspired me to start a Secret Stash--and the day I decided to, my mother gave me $200 just because she knew we were having a rough time right now. So, some of that gets squirrelled away, while most of it goes for bills. (sigh)
Hang in there with your son--I'm a 7th grade teacher with a 3-year old son. I can tell you that one thing your son has going for him is the love and concern of his mom. I wouldn't worry too much about the lasting effects of the music, because he has been more influenced by growing up in a loving, stable household than by some song lyrics. It's the kids with no support and guidance who listen to that trash that we need to worry about. He'll be fine--keep being nosey, its' good for him! :-) Tamara
Hi Kayce! I totally udnerstand what you mean! I have five boys, my oldest is 9. We dont let them watch or listen to anything we dont approve of. But it is everywhere!! Last night we were watching Law & Order SVU and my oldest watched it. We shouldnt have let him! But I KNOW he will see and hear things even when we arent around. It is so scary out there! You are doing all you can do! That I know. :)
Hugs,
Amy
Just stopping by to say hello. Hope you're doing well.
Indeed you can't protect your children form the great big bad world completely. I talk about it with my kids. I say that within my house I don't except that stuff and explain why it is rude and that it puts woman down. Most kids don't even realise that. I know the music is allowed in other households but there is not much I can do about that. They know and it is there responsibility
You were on my mind...just wanted you to know :).
Prayers!
Kathi :)
There are so many parents out there who don't care, and I"m so glad to know that you do. It's our children's job to test and push, and it's our job to teach. Sounds to me like your doing a splendid job, so don't be too hard on yourself.
Hey KC
You need to take a chill pill.
It may seem to be hard to believe, but teenagers can cope with the trash out there way better than their parents ever can. And believe me. I've just been through what he went through a few years back. And that is quite something, when you live in India.
It is all right. Dont be too bothered abt it.
While you should keep a lookout for you ur kid dont forget to give him his space.
He deserves it, does he not?
:)
Hey...just wondering how you are doing. Been thinking of you and checking to see if YOU checked in to your blog. Take care KC! God's richest blessings on you and your family.
Hey k.c. just checking in to see
how you are doing with your
challenges. Stay well.
very fantastic writing....and mind blowing..thanks
Hello dearest KC!
I know it has been a while; however, I am enjoying catching up with your story. So what job did you decide to start? Teaching I hope - I want to picture us both dancing to Lady Marmalade on our way back to school.
I feel your pain. Intently! I will have a schedule equal to yours ... but add to it a divorce to finalize and no 'spouse' to help out on the home front. sigh. such is life, right?
I confess, I have let my 'diligent' mothering become lax. I'm not sure what my children are listening to - especially as they now are downloading music from their dad's new Mac computer at his place...
And both of my 'teens' have opened up facebook pages and myspace pages ... though I did force them to give me their email addresses and passwords so that I could 'check' on things .... shame on me. I have yet to 'check' - well, i did go through my younger one's with her yesterday. It's the older son I need to keep an eye on.
Yes, they are good kids. And yes, our culture impedes our progress to instill values, morals, discipline. And sometimes the burden on us, as parents, feels overwhelming.
I have finally decided to let be what will be. I cannot be perfect. And neither can they. Hopefully, the lessons we all learn will not be too painful or with consequences that cannot be mitigated in some way.
Just keep on boogeying girlfriend! I'm dancing with you.
fondly,
Lady Blue
right there a powerful post...but surely you need not to be annoyed with yourself...and where there is will there is way
Hi K.C.!
I sometimes think I don't have time, but you are a great mom!!!
I can't imagine myself working while raising kids.
Gee! Your son... I'm not really fit to say this but I think he is just curious. At least he could sit down with you and talk, he is better!!! I didn't when I was a kid...
heres what i think; music these days no arent so dandy in lyrics, talking about sex, drugs, and violence. content in music is really wild, thats for sure. if your son happens to come across music of this type its ok. if he is as disciplined as you say he is then, truthfully i believe you have nothing to worry about.
i personally listen to that type of music, i find it entertaining. but im not going out shooting up drugs with my friends or buying guns to kill some people. my parents dont mind that i listen to that type of music, they know that, i know, that i am my own person and that i wont mimick what view on television, or listen to in music.
trust your son.
-Heidi
KC, everything all right out there?
Miss your posts.
Doug
Good luck with your new job!
Hi Kayce,
Have not been around for a bit so thought I would check on you to see what your upto, but hey your not here!!!
I know what it is your still training hubby on the tooth paste saga....hmmmmm it will take sometime Kayce, but keep on at him and he will get the hang of it (LOL), hope your well ;-D
Funny, thats a tough one! The good news is , his taste in music will most probably change soon enough! :)
Sandra
You must be immersed in the new life and work, making new friends, adapting, etc... However, your friends here in the ether, who have been following you on the road to a million dollars :) would like to hear from you too:)
Hope all is going well.
Hi Kayce,
You have been on my heart and mind. I hope this finds you having a wonderful time teaching! :)
You are in my prayers!
Hugs,
Kathi :)
I am sorry I have not been able to visit your blog for a while, I have been very busy. I will take out time to read all your post soon.
How are you doing?
hey K.C.
hope you are doing well
i read your recent posts in my reader a while ago... finding you very determined... to have some time for yourself too...
thought your absent is for preparing yourself for the teaching job, eh?
waiting for your update and wishing you the best in your beautiful path of life...
Hello,
I do want to ask you not to be hard on your son and don't try to control him.
My parents always did so and they achieved the possible worst effect with this attitude.
I see that now when I should get along on my own and I cannot, I'm often gullible and helpless.
You cannot stand by his side in every moment to prevent him doing what you think is not right.
Please be a bit lenient with the boy...
Best wishes,
Mina Jade
Great!!!
Phelps, Congratulations!!!!!
"08-08-08" Olympic Games!!!!
Hi ,
I was reading ur blog posts and found some of them to be very good.. u write well.. Why don't you popularize it more.. ur posts on ur blog ‘MY ROAD TO A MILLION DOLLARS...!’ took my particular attention as some of them are interesting topics of mine too;
BTW I help out some ex-IIMA guys who with another batch mate run www.rambhai.com where you can post links to your most loved blog-posts. Rambhai was the chaiwala at IIMA and it is a site where users can themselves share links to blog posts etc and other can find and vote on them. The best make it to the homepage!
This way you can reach out to rambhai readers some of whom could become your ardent fans.. who knows.. :)
Cheers,
Good Afternoon Kayce!
I hope this finds you well. I never stop thinking of you and check in from time to time, you must be having a wonderful time, it makes me smile. I hope you are half way to your million by now.
Prayers and hugs to you!
Kathi :)
Haven't seen you around in a while. Was just reading this and thought of you:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/04/marc-allen-interview/
i hope everything is fine.
i miss your posts :|
I miss you dear friend...just stopping by to let you know I hold you close in prayer!
Blessings,
Kathi :)
nice post :)
hehe reminded me of what my parents thought of me when i was listening to my music.. hehe
hi k.c.
where are you? now that i am back i am looking for all my ole friends. wonder where the blue bicycle is? jus lost touch and now its her turn to b so obscure.
would love to hear from you. are you that busy?
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