Ur-kay... Going to get rolling this morning. Well, I guess it isn't morning really.. It is 11:15 and I am calling it morning. Still in my P.J.'s. In a couple of weeks, I officially go back to work.
I know for most of the world, that is not a big deal. But, I have not been to a "real" job in over 11 years. I have run my own schedule for that long. I was a nurse working the weekend schedule, and then I was home with my children after that...
I know, I know... how worthless am I? I want to defend myself and say.. but, but..I have been home raising three children. I have been holding down the fort. And I have. We have moved five times in those eleven years. It's really hard work doing all of that.. (Can you detect the whine?)
Yeah, yeah.. cry me a river, right?
I have to say.. I am a little scared. I am thrilled beyond belief about teaching these kiddos. I am so excited about changing the world. One of the greatest authors today was taught right here in my hometown, at the school I attended, by the teacher that I admired the most. (No, no.. that author wasn't me... I know you are all THINKING that it was me... but, no, it wasn't..)
I say that because I know there is a purpose to teaching. I know that I can change lives in such a profound way.
But, here's the thing... my own life is about to change so profoundly...and I won't admit this to anyone around me... but, I am scared. I am scared at how my life is about to change. It is starting to hit me. I have been a full time mom for so long that I am not sure that I know how to be anything else yet.
Again, cry me a river, right?
I know in my head that I am over analyzing this. I know that I just take it one day at a time. That is what I was talking about in my last post when I said that I just sort of lost myself in staying at home. I started getting caught up in things that didn't really matter.
I have gotten consumed in housework and naps and schedules that really are a bit unimportant. And "I get to it when I get to it". How will that work when there is no time to "get to it" anymore?
And for those of you that have read this post for awhile know that my husband has been a "bit" stressed out. Well, he is a little lighter now knowing that there is a second income coming in now. And when the stress is off, he is a happier guy. And when there is happiness then that means he can work better, and when he works better, then that means there is more productivity....
HOWEVER... how does that mean that I will be able to get up at 5 a.m. and get three kiddos ready, and get them to school and get them to soccer and basketball and get homework and get dinner and get homework and get projects and get appointments and get this and get that and get the other...
Because if the hubby is more productive, then that means he will not be able to be home in order to help the wifey here get the kiddos where they need to go.
Oh my gawsh... this teaching job is not sounding as fun as I thought it would be. I am going to be so stressed out that I am not going to be a good teacher.
But, wait a minute. Let me think... think... Squeeze the lemons....think...
Ammmm....calming down..... sitting down and thinking....
Maybe it is that I don't have to do everything at once. Maybe everything will work itself out. Doesn't it always?
How is it that I just happened to be blessed enough to be able to stay home at a time in my life that my children were little and really needed me at home?
Didn't we make the move each time into those houses, and each time didn't it seem completely overwhelming? But, each time... we got in.
And with each big project that the kids have at school, doesn't it always seem like we will never complete it on the front end? But, don't we just take it one step at a time... and it always get done... it always does..
What in the world am I doing here? What in the world am I stressing out about?
If you read my last post, you know that there really are things to stress out about... this is not one of them.
I have no doubt about my big goal of a million dollars. I put money in the bank. A little each day. Some days more, some days less. ( By the way, for those of you who have been reading for a while, my cash purse is fattening up, yes-it-is!)
I know that this goal will be attained because it is always in my thoughts. I am constantly thinking of it and remembering it. We are taking it one step at a time.
Won't it be the same way with everything else? Hasn't it always been that way?
College--one class at a time.
Childbirth--one trimester at a time
Grief--one tear at a time
Joy--one hug at a time
And now, I will see, this is such a small thing. And, I have to say that I appreciate you if you made it through this post one word at a time, because it was probably a bit of a sludger. I just needed to write it out. I was a bit stressed out over "nothing", I think...
But, again, cry me a river, right... But, I am thinking, this one might be... cry me a puddle... or maybe a drop...
32 comments:
Thanks for stopping by my blog to say hello. Wow, I can really relate to this post! I stayed home with my kids and then my hubby got very sick, and I had to go to work. It was really hard, esp. emotionally, which kind of surprised me. But once I took a deep breath and accepted what was, it began to work out, and there were even many unexpected blessings that I couldn't see when I was stressing about it. You'll get the important things done, just let the others go for now. Sounds like you're on the right track.
Not even a drop! :)
Girl, you're walking into one of the best jobs on this earth. A teacher. You're going to enrich those little lives and teach life skills they'll remember for the rest of their lives. You're going to be an awesome teacher! I think because you've been out of the workforce for so long you might think you're going to be overwhelmed. Maybe, a little, at first. You will do fine! Not everyone can be a teacher, you're special!
Teacher...impacting the world one day at a time.
KC don't panic.... Once the busy-ness starts you will have little time to get anxious about "how", as you will be too busy/excited/and yes, harassed :) to have time to think:) BUT it will be exciting, a new outlet for your creativity, an incentive, a challenge.. and learning too, new experiences. And you will find that the busier you are, you automatically become even more organized, finding resources you didn't know you had. Keep your mind fixed on that New-ness of things, the Excitement and all other positives you can think of... STAY THERE, it is going to be as good as you want it to be. Huge good wishes, B.
Thank you for stopping by my blog! :)
Keep your chin up and press on! I'll pray you'll get through the "going back to work" fears.
;-)
**HUGS**
Hope the teaching job goes ok for you. By way i love the header!
Thanks for stopping by my place, that was nice of you.
How did you find me? Im always curious and nosey! :)
Breath in, breath out...you ARE going to be awesome Kayce! Starting a new job can cause so much stress and heartache, next thing you know you'll be blogging about how awesome your job is :). Those kids will love you! Philippians 3:12-14
You never know until you try, give your teaching job a chance. If it doesn't work out, you can always quit. I know when you start something you should finish it, but you can always even work the year through and see how it goes. You can also be a substitue, so many options out there for you just waiting for your magic touch! A lot for any woman to balance out a career, and children. You'll make it happen! :)
Okay, deep breath here...
You didn't ask for advice but I'm gonna give it to you...from the trenches! Amd that is, the secret is, "organization". Capital O -- Organization.
I have been on the mom/work merry go round for many years and I can assure you that by whatever means necessary, stay organized and you have fought and won and conquered half the battle right there.
If that means carrying around a notebook, or a dictation device...if that means emailing yourself or leaving yourself voicemails....if that means making 25 lunches every sunday night....whatever organization means for you, do it.
Secondly, enlist the troops. Mom is working now so the kids have to pitch in with housework or else you will wind up a burnt out wreck. THere are lots of websites devoted to fun ways to divvy up the chores....
Lastly, I'd like to add one more line to your little ditty:
College--one class at a time.
Childbirth--one trimester at a time
Grief--one tear at a time
Joy--one hug at a time
Life-one day at a time.
You are going to do great, K.C.....it won't happen at once, it will take a while to get up to speed...but you'll get there!
Yay for your new job and your utter devotion and love for your kids, your whole family, your life, and your goals. It is heartening to read your posts...you are one very determined lady.
Wow.. a million dollars, eh? What an interesting idea for a blog. It looks like I have another one to read regularly.
You speak quite openly and comfortably. I'm sure you'll be doing just fine once you start back to work. I could feel you calming as you typed. :)
Thanks for your visit to my blog, today. I don't know how you found it, but I'm glad you did.
You have the right attitude! Just take it one day, one breath at a time.
It will all work out, and I bet you will feel great about all you've accomplished! Just have faith!
All the best hun!
Keshi.
All the best hun!
Keshi.
Well, I bet you're scared! I was, too, and I only went to wash dishes.
You'll be great as a teacher. Just think - you've spent all that time teaching and caring for yours, so what's different? There may be more of them, but you get time off and you get paid! You'll love it!
Thanks for your kind words on my blog.
Hum? I'm beginning to think that I'm NOT the only one! Sounds like "The Story of My Life".
I was a stay-at-home mom for 18 years. I home-schooled my kids. Taught them to read by the time they were three. I "got to" whatever needed doing. Baked bread...
But, poor hubby bubby was STRESSING! So, my baby girl, my Teen Angel goes to public school now. Does great too. She's a senior this year. (I won't cry you a river here, sniff, sniff.)
I worked for about a year, until I injured myself. I still found a way to "get to it".
It won't be all that bad. Your relationship with hubby, might get even better. Less stress. More money. New friends.
Best wishes and thanks for stopping by my blog.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. It is always nice to meet new bloggers. I will be back. This week is just so busy!
Take care,
denise
You will do fine because you HAVE been working very hard (maybe even harder) raising your kids. Your new job will be a piece of cake!
Going to work after you've been able to stay home is huge. I had to do that in 1992 and it was difficult for me and I must say I never got used to it, but I think that's because I'm basically lazy, LOL! My current job, 95% of which is done at home, is perfect for me and usually I still don't want to do it! And my kids are grown and gone! LOL! See? I'm a lazy bum!
Leaving home when you've been used to being there can be fraught with all manner of anxieties ... but the children you've given your life to heretofore can step up to the plate now and help you with lots of stuff, and they will. They will surprise you and they will be as proud of you as you are of them. Kids are so resilient if they know you love them and are "there" for them no matter where you may be geographically.
I'm sure your children will continue to grow and thrive and although maturing can be painful for them as it is for us, when a family does these things together it is not quite as scary. God bless you as you embark on your teaching job and I know you'll be great!
Thank for stopping by my blog to say hello.
I hope all works out for you -- like you said take it day by day and you will get back into the groove and develop a schedule and things will eventually work out. It's OK to be scared --I was too when I went back to work after having been home with my children for awhile. Soon you'll be happy to be both a professional and a mom!
Good luck!
Now Kayce....
Breathe, come on breathe..
Deep breath....
Come on Kayce work with me here...
Breathe slowly......
Better?....
You CAN do this and you WILL do this, everything will fit neatly like a puzzle....with you and hubby working as a team, it will all slot into place...
ok Kayce...
And change the words of "Cry me a river" to "Smile me a river"...(LOL)... :-D
enjoyed reading every word... cuz it was so truthful...
me too did't work for several years when i had my daughter... and when back to work, i was embarrased somehow...
yes as you said this is the feeling we have at the beginning... when you are in, everything will find its place... you can find solutions for every problem you face... be sure...
it's like the movings... we have moved 8 times during a nearly-14-year period...
i'm sure you will master the job in no time... like your blogging... you are a professional blogger now...
lots of love...
Don't fret...everything's going to be fine. I do suggest that you go back to school early to get really prepared. I do have one question - why can't hubby help with the kids in the morning? My husband actually gets the kids up, dressed, fed and to the sitter's house every day...
This is an amazing post...good luck to ya.
Dear Kayce ~~ You have a lot of support in the comments, and I want to add to them. You will do very well at the job and it will only be a very few days when it seems strange. The kids will feel like your family in no time. So have courage and get on with it. The other things will all fit in in time. The saying, always ask a busy person to do something is true.
The more we have to do, the more we can do. Thank you for your comments
and be confident ~~ no doubts. It will all work out fine. Take care
my friend, Love, Merle.
you already have it figured out as you so sagely wrote:
College--one class at a time.
Childbirth--one trimester at a time
Grief--one tear at a time
Joy--one hug at a time
definitely. one thing at a time. that is the way you have to approach it. that you're stressed out is normal, imagine, a change after 11 years. 11 years! who wouldn't feel the same way? but good for you and you will do well... you will do better than well. and the family obligations? funny, how everything falls into place when things change. i sometimes wonder how i made it in my 30s juggling a full time job (with much overtime), college, raising a family and taking care of a sick mother all at the same time. i am left in wonder today how i juggled that....and, yet, i did .... and, guess what, you will too!
i believe you will enjoy going back to work, more responsibilities and all. good luck to you and, remember, a deep breath and some faith....
Hi thanks for your message at mine...
over-analysing: that's something I get accused of on a frequent basis (whenever I feel the need to explain myself to another) but (on analysis) I protest! I do NOT over-analyse... in fact I barely think about many a thing, totally to my detriment...
What is that Chinese saying, something about, it all starts with the first step..One step at a time..
Don't get too far ahead of yourself..you never know what is around the corner..let tomorrow take care of itself..How do you like all those sayings..? Now you will do wonderful with everything..I have great faith in you..
"Feel the fear and do it anyway".
You know you are doing the right thing. The trouble is you're looking at the whole cake instead of the bit on your plate and wondering how you'll deal with the whole lot. Families adapt when there are 2 people going out to work. You wont be the main carer for the children anymore- it will be a joint task. Your husband will have less financial responsibilities but more carer ones such as he takes some time off when the children are sick- not just you. The 2 of you will work out a fair division of household tasks if you don't rush off trying to be superwoman and cope with all you were doing before and a new job on top of all that. You'll burn yourself out. Initially you will need help and support as you go throught that new job learning curve plus the sheer tiredness of being somewhere different and into a new routine.
You will cope hun- just take it a day at a time and be prepared to say "I'm tired" "I need time to prepare this lesson" "I need you to do..." let people around you help. What you are doing will be of benefit to the whole family, so they need to take up some of the slack especially while you adjust.
Big changes are always daunting but once you've started, all the anxiety will wash away & you'll enjoy the experience. All the best! I imagine teaching is a wonderful & rewarding job. Not without challenges though! And it's those challenges that I'm sure will keep you motivated & inspired! You'll do fine :)
It's normal when there are changes in your life you have to adjust which brings anxiety. I am sure however that after a while you don't know any better. You are such a lively person, you'll be completely fine.
good luck with the job! never had much luck with those things myself...
You are doing just fine, don't be too hard on yourself! I can understand your fears, it is a new period in your life, but you can do it! Believe in yourself and don't loose your faith.
Thanks for stopping by and always leaving a kind comment.
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